inspiration
i’m going to start keeping an online dream journal. whenever i have anything really vivid. which seems to be all the time. especially just now, not ten minutes ago. i can still feel the adrenaline rushing through my body. let me backtrack a little and then i’ll explain the dream.
i have really intense, vivid dreams. they aren’t really all that beautiful, either. they’re really lifelike, yet skewed. horrible things happen to me in my dreams that make me question reality later. in total seriousness, i will remember events from my dreams as if they were actual memories. i have woken up, sweat-drenched, frantically searching for the gun i had just had to kill the intruder who was…just standing over my bed? wait, i don’t sleep with a gun. i don’t even own one. i often wake up in the middle of the night and do not believe that i have woken up. the most recent time this happened, i was so used to still being asleep that i rolled over and grabbed my pocketknife. i thought i wasn’t real, so i had to check: i cut myself three times on my left wrist and three on the same forearm. i have learned not to leave objects near my bedside. night terrors? are those the hallucinations my mind is still playing over my glazed eyes? sleep paralysis? whatever it is, i don’t really mind it. i don’t count these as nightmares, even though they are so terrifying sometimes. i just have very very vivid dreams. like earlier, i was lying in my bed, like i so often am, chatting with a friend online, on facebook. she’s not a really close friend, although it would probably offend her slightly to hear that. actually, probably not. we’re honest enough to be okay without being ‘close’. anyway, i’m talking to her online, and i had been kind of dozing off a little, so i decided to take a nap. i’m kind of lightly drifting in and out of sleep, and my cat comes along and starts nosing around me. i pet her and kind of ignore her; she apparently takes this as a personal slight and begins examining my laptop cord. i hate when she does that so i try to shoo her away, while lifting my computer in my right hand to get it away from her. so the little kitten bitch, she looks directly at me as she bites the cord and i see this fiery flash and hear a really really loud POP and i’m stuck just stuck there and my mind is racing and i can’t move and my arm is totally paralyzed by the electricity and i’m thinking all kinds of crazy things and i know i’m trying to scream but i can’t and i try to scream, ‘mom!’ even though i mean to call for aimee. i felt my chest paralyzed and i knew i wasn’t even breathing. i called out in my head about 6 times. the 6th, i woke up. i thought it had been real. my arm still tingles.
i wonder if i actually cried out in my sleep.
